Passenger Side View

Last night Mandy, Tiffany, and DeLise had their Christmas Stocking party.  There were only 6 of us.  We went to dinner at the Red Butte Cafe, which is not one of my favorite restaurants...but oh well.  After we went back to the Davis house, and everyone opened the gifts we'd all brought for each other.
Then we left.  It was only 8:30PM, but some of the girls had kids at home.  I walked out to my car, which was parked in the church parking lot next door under a street lamp.  I hit the button to unlock the door, and the interior light came on, which is when I saw the man sitting in my passanger side.  He was only there for a minute then disappered...like magic.

When you hallucinate you don't get to pick how it makes you feel, that comes along.  This time I was completely freaked out.  I've seen imaginary people before, and it's always scary.

The funny thing about the whole thing is that it was Alexander Skarsgard (I don't know why I'd think he's scary).  I've also seen Lenny Kravitz, and that kid from the Sixth Sense on other occasions.  It's always weirder to see someone I recognize from somewhere else.

DJ Random

More music for you to listen to.  I don't own any of it.  It's here thanks to Youtube.

AFI - Kiss and Control

Led Zepplin - Immigrant Song

Muse - Unintended

Listening the Radio on a Sunny Day

What the Hell am I Supposed to Do with Myself for that Long.

So I changed from Seroquel to Ability because of sedation.  As I said before I've been sleeping in until noon.  I just started Abilify, and aside from the horrible nausea things have been great. 

But now I'm waking up at 8:00AM.  I honestly just looked at my computer clock thinking that it was 4:00 or 5:00PM.  No, no it's not.  It's 11:44 AM.

I'm seriously going to have to pick up some more hobbies.

 

It's Been Awhile Since I Wrote Poetry.

I was going through a box looking for something else, and I found a printed paper with 15 of my old poems (1999) on it. Here are a couple of the better ones.

The Day You Fell
The sweetness of your breath
Still tasting of Scope
And orange juice,
Whispering of summers
When dandelions
Were still for wishing
And fairies still lived
Under the white porch,
And the day you fell
Out of the mapel tree,
Not so huge today as then,
But still a monster
To crowd your sleep.
You lean in close,
To hide your face in mine
As memories slip out
That you thought
Were safely tucked under the bed.
Don't look too close.
But I can see the summer yard,
The pealing paint on the porch,
The smell of dirt and grass,
And the scope and orange juice
In your mouth.
I can also see the monsters
Under your bed.


Lazy and a Little More Than Just Confused
I can see the simple depth of the sky,
And the yellow and green sunset.
Visible.
Easy to understand.
Easy to turn your head and forget.

I don't want to forget.
I want to see it
When I close my eyes,
And understand it
When I can't understand
Anything else.

I want to open my mouth,
And let the light drift in,
To taste the infant sun of spring.

No, It's True. I Went to Sleep at 10:00PM and woke at 12:00PM the Next Day.

This week I'm switching from Seroquel to Abilify, because the Seroquel was making me sleep 14 hours a day.  I heard that Abilify causes anxiety the first week, and boy am I anxious.

Have you ever been anxious over nothing?  It's different than over stressing out about bills or your relationship with your family.  When there's nothing, there's nothing you can do to fix it.  You can't sit down and figure out a budget, or call your mother.

This is when people cut, use drugs, get drunk.  I used to cut, years and years ago.  Now I sit with my computer in a warm room with 3 walls of windows overlooking a snowy yard.  My dog is here sleeping.

You know maybe sometimes when there's no reason to be anxious, anything comforting can fix it.

DJ Random

I've decided to post 3 songs that I like.  You'll see them in the posts following this one.   I don't know if you've heard them before, probably one or two.  Anyway I hope you like them.  I don't own these.

Unloveable - Baby Bird

Sad Sad City - Ghostland Observatory

One Day - Matisyahu

This is what you get if you wake me up by yelling "SMILE".  It's an old picture but I thought I'd add it here so it didn't get forgotten.  I don't suggest trying this with just anyone.  Some people's first reaction wouldn't be to smile, but to punch.

I'm keeping this blog to myself I think.  I don't mind if strangers read it.  I don't really know what they'd make of it, but I want to be honest and open, and I think that if I told everyone I know about this blog I would edit myself.



Why So Fast Miss Name

 

I've moved to a new part of the house so I'm starting a new post.  It just feels right. Today I did a stupid thing.  I wrote a letter to the beautiful famous Mr. S.  I just saw his address somewhere, with a note that he read his own mail, and I thought why the hell not?  It wasn't like I was busy curing cancer, or figuring out why I always use a spoon when eatting canned peaches when clearly a fork is required (damn things always slip off the spoon).  I have the freedom to spend my time how I will, and if I want to write a letter to "iceman" then I will.

I don't think my letter made much sense.  I'll post it here:

I was 5’10” in seventh grade.  For anyone at that age, that’s tall.  For a girl that’s especially tall.  The average girl’s pants had a 32 inch inseam, which left a three inch gap between the bottom of my pant leg and the top of my shoe.  To fill some of that gap I wore dirty high top sneakers, and white athletic socks.

I don’t know if we have anything else in common other than being tall.  I’m pretty sure you didn’t perm your hair from 1992 to 1995.

You already know about you.  You already know about your work.  So I’m going to tell you about me, five things about me.  Being tall is number one.

2              As long as I can remember I've had music in my head. When I'm alone sometimes I dance to it. Not the kind of dancing that I'd do in a club or on stage, but real dancing, like it doesn't matter who's watching. Because no one is.

3              As a kid the most exciting part of a ride was standing in line scared to death. As an adult that's still the case. Anticipation is the best

4              Jumping on the bed is difficult when you're a 5'10" girl, the bed's 2'6", and the ceiling is 8' high. Yes, I actually thought this out.

5              I once reached under a bathroom stall wall to get toilet paper from the other side.  Yeah… there was someone over there.

Thanks for reading this,

It's a Word if I Want it to Be

I'm sitting in the dark with my dog, and my computer.  Somewhere someone in the house is watching the X Files.  I should start out with a welcome.  If you've found my blog I'm impressed.  I think that I'll mostly be talking to myself.  That's not so bad, right?  More than once I've sung to myself in the bathroom mirror with an imaginatory microphone.

I'm schizoaffective. Don't bother following along if you have a problem with that. I'm healthy and happy, don't let the stigma of mental illness convince you that I'm not a good person.

Also, I'm retired.  The US government has declaired me disabled, and I collect social security.