I didn't want to say goodbye.
I don't want to say goodbye.
I've held you tight as a breath,
And it's killing me.
You've moved on,
And the space you've left behind
Is all hard edges and drafty corners.

This isn't about you.
This is about me,
And the space
I won't let the next one fill.

Miss You Baby

I miss Fender. I know it's been 9 months. I know dogs live a shorter life than ours, but I miss him every day.

One Two Three

Maybe All You Need is a Net

What would it take
To reach the stars?
Do they make
A ladder tall enough?
Do you need a space ship?
Because I don't
Have enough money
For a space ship.

Taking Chances

My Eraser has worn down
With misspellings,
And inappropriate words.
Without it
I would never be as free
As I am
To say whatever it is
That I want to say

Agoraphobia

Have you ever wished
You owned nothing
Except what you can
Fit in one box,
A suitcase,
A car trunk?
Have you ever wished
You could drive away?
Sometimes I do,
For as long as an indrawn breath,
And then I breath out,
And I am here.
In my basement room.

Size 6!

I'm wearing size 6 jeans.

Found this Old Thing on YouTube

This is a national commercial I filmed like 12 years ago.  It ran forever.  If you pay attention you'll notice that they use my real name.  They used it during filming for continuity, and told me that the voiceover would cover it up.  If people didn't recognize my face they sure recognized my name.  I expected a few people to see the commercial and know it was me, but by using my name, anyone who ever met me thought I'd had a baby and called me up to sypathize.  It also lent a certain legitimacy.  And no I never had a baby.

Looking Thinner These Days

Violin

Yes, I can play the violin.

I started learning the violin when I was in fourth grade. Yes, the violin. Not the coolest instrument to play in school, but hey, it got me out of math twice a week.
I was never very good until college. I hated practicing...not for the obvious reasons (I actually liked playing). The violin's really loud, and my brothers liked to tease me about how bad I was at it. At the time my brothers' opinions counted for a lot.
I played until my second year of college. I was in the orchestra. I used to do badly on my seating tests so that I could sit in the back where the crowd was more relaxed, music stands were convenient places to prop snacks, and general disrespect reigned supreme. I fit right in.
The music building at my university was built in the 50s, and had been added onto a dozen times since then. It was a maze of back hallways and dead-ends. Along every corridor there were practice rooms, and ratty couches. There were always students, no matter the time of day, waiting to use the practice rooms. They hung out in the hallway with naked instruments in hand, and dog eared sheet music at their feet.
I loved it. I used to practice by listening to something on my headphones, and playing along. I played along to the weirdest bands like 311 or the Beastie Boys. I liked finding a place for the violin.
And then I quit. I didn't really want to. I wasn't a music major, and I started needing the practice time to study for my real major. And my violin started making buzzing noises. To be honest I'm surprised the thing lasted as long as it did. I'd dropped that poor instrument a hundred times coming home from elementary school (hey I was just a kid). It was only a matter of time before it gave out. When it did, I was a poor college student, I couldn't afford to buy a new one.
So I put it away. It's still in the closet of my old room at my parent's house. I miss it. I miss it still, but I haven't bought another one. I don't really know why. Sometimes when I'm listening to music, I'll know just where I'd play my violin. I had to put one CD away, because I started dreaming of it.
I think I'm afraid that it won't be the same. I think it can't be. I can't go back to that music building, they tore it down. I'll never find my friends from the back row again, its been too long. So I've avoided the violin. I should just play, and be happy with it. Maybe I'll try it. Maybe I'll sign up for lessons.